2:05 a.m. on 2003-11-16
drinking doesn't make it better
I was sad today.
yesterday sucked at work. I tried to leave early, that didn't happen. I left my keys in my car, that sucked. I couldn't even cum when my benefits buddy went down on me. It was a sucky day yesterday.
My ex called me three times last night. All three of his voicemails professed his love for me and how he can't live without me. whatever is what I say.
Last night I went out to dinner with benefits buddy, we then got a movie and some beer....now mind you, I knew what would happen, and we fooled around a little bit, but I told him to stop, that nothing was going to happen. I was pissed. I never get like that and think that nothing is going to happen. This morning he got a blow job out of me and that was it...
I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me...
then tonight I went to a party that my sister was having. I had so much fun, I was fliting with this guy Matt...then I saw his teeth and I was totally turned off by them.
My sister has forever been trying to set me up with her roommates brother. He is two years younger than me, but such a cool guy. We talked for awhile tonight, he asked me if I wanted to go with him to another bar. He told me I should call him one night after I get out of class and we can go out, considering he works across the street from DePaul.. We'll see. He's a nice guy, defintely good looking, smells good, and has a good job.
Yea, I wonder about things. Like, I wonder why I just didnt stay in bed and wait and see if J wanted to fool around. I called my house to tell them at around 1pm that I had just gotten up and that I would be home later in the afternoon...well, I dont know waht happened, but all of the sudden all I wanted to do was go home and be with my family. I didnt want to lay in j's bed anymore, I just wanted to be home...and the funny thing is.. i went back to bed when I got home.
Is my libido gone?? is something wrong with me? have I finally just figured that it really isn't worth it sleeping with J anymore?
yea, and drinking beer doesn't make it better, but I had to write.
only time will tell?