8:26 pm on 08-23-04
There goes my good mood
So for a couple of weeks I have been in a really good mood. I�m finally feeling like I have gotten completely out of my funk and it was all ruined this evening.
I had just finished eating dinner, orange chicken and some crab rangoon. I had worked out today and I was feeling good. Then I get a phone call from my gyne. He tells me that I have highly abnormal pre-cancerous cells on my cervix. Well, isn�t that fucking great. Tomorrow I have to call to make an appointment to have a colposcopy done. That�s where they scrape your cervix and do a biopsy or something like that. And if it need be, I would need to have another procedure done called a cone biopsy. I guess that�s where they freeze something and cut it out. That one they need to give you local anesthesia for. UGH!
Just fucking great. So I called my cousin, because I know she had one a couple of years ago and she turned out ok, but still. That whole word �cancer� scares the crap out of me. My doctor is excellent and I would not question anything that he says, but he was really vague on the phone. It was almost like I wasn�t comprehending exactly what he was saying. So I get off the phone and immediately burst into tears. I talked to my mom about it and she asked me all sorts of questions (considering she is a nurse) and she told me not to worry and get all upset about it. Whatever. How can I not be upset about it? Well, it�s not so much that I am upset, but I am definitely worried about it. I guess I�ll have to just make the appointment and wait until I hear about that. I had my pap smear done on July 30th. My mom said that if it was really bad, they would have called sooner.
So that�s the news of the day. I�m not even going to go into the whole �what if I have cancer� sob routine, because that will really make me nutty. I think I need a beer.