6:25 pm on 06-22-04
I'm on a death rant of some sort
The other day my 29 year old cousin was admitted to the hospital with chest pain. Mind you, this was after his sister had been to the hospital because she was having severe pain in her abdomen. So he gets to the hospital and they admit him for observation and after a few tests, they tell him that he has 100% blockage in one valve and 95% in another. Therefore meaning he had to have bypass surgery. Bypass surgery at the age of 29!!! And he is in great shape, eats good, etc etc. So they take him to surgery today, and the blockages were caused by two aneurysms. Even scarier. They did the bypass, and said that the one aneurysm was in there for several years. And of course, aneurysms run in my dad�s side of the family. Go figure. He made it through surgery and everything is fine, but now every six months he will have to go in for an exam to see that everything is still ok.
About a year ago, my cousin was involved in a head on collision with a semi truck. He was not wearing a seatbelt, and is so very lucky that he didn�t die from it. He had major injuries to his hip, leg, and arm, and just was getting back to the swing of things at work, life was going good for him, and then this happens. The doctors said that he had had two heart attacks actually over the weekend, but there wasn�t that much damage to the muscle.
Obviously situations like these make you really wonder about life, and if you believe in God, you wonder why things as these happen to the people I love. Obviously is P would die, it would be devastating. I just lost my brother a little over seven months ago, and to lose another family member close to me would really hurt me and make me question life even more.
We take life for granted. It�s way too short. I need to realize that I should just do what I feel is right and say what I want and do what I want and do it when I need to. No more of this what if crap. But it doesn�t mean that I am going to email below tomorrow and tell him that I had a crush on him : ) .
I often wonder if I should make out some sort of will. Not that I have tons of stuff to put into the will and worry about giving to, but still. My parents I don�t think have a will, but it is an understanding between everyone in our immediate family of what needs to be done. I don�t see any relatives butting their heads into our business and telling us what to do. More and more lately, my dad keeps on telling me about the insurance papers and what needs to be done if he should leave. I just tell him to shut up, because he�s not going anywhere soon. My mom�she never really says anything.
And speaking of death, she never really says anything about my brother either. I guess I don�t really want to ask her about it either. My dad on the other hand, has no qualms about voicing his opinion about how stupid my brother was, and how much of a coward he was for taking his own life. My dad doesn�t understand why and how life got so �hard� for him that he had to kill himself. Shit, I don�t even understand how life could be so hard that someone would want to do that. Sure, I�ve been down in the dumps about things, and when I was seeing the psychiatrist, he told me I was depressed, but not severe enough to need drugs�but I was able to get out of the depression. Sadness, of course, happens to most people�but depression, it�s really something different. It takes over your mind, makes you do crazy things obviously�.but then again, the week before my period always makes me a little crazy (see�I always have to make a joke out of a bad thing).