3:21 pm on 06-20-04
more life pondering thoughts
After the events of this weekend, I really pondered where my life is heading. Friday night was the wedding of a good friend of mine. I was a bridesmaid in it, and we had done a lot of work in the last couple of months and it was good for everyone to get together and celebrate. I was pissed at how my hair turned out�so trivial, I know, but you always want to make sure that your hair is ok.
J was my date for this wedding. He said he had fun, and I hope he did, but he really didn�t talk to anyone. It�s weird, because whenever we�re together he�s very talkative, but I guess throwing him into the wedding situation where he really didn�t know anyone could make anyone shy or uncomfortable. About 1/3 of the people at the wedding commented on how good looking he was, and wanted to know if we were dating. I found out yesterday that the banker was very jealous that I was there with another guy and I said all about 10 words to banker boy. Good, I hope you feel like shit, that�s what you get for being an ass.
So pondering where my life is heading. I get on these kicks every couple of months or so when I begin to realize that I am not in a very challenging position at work, I make decent money, but could always use more. I still live at home, I am still working towards my undergrad degree. I should not be here at the age of 27. I always thought that I would have a great job now, hopefully involved in a serious relationship, and working towards a masters degree in something. But I am obviously way behind. And I know I shouldn�t let it bother me, but I still do. I worry about my parents, and I make sure that they are getting by, and I shouldn�t. They�re adults, they can fend for themselves�and why do I always feel that I need to somehow take care of them or something like that. I think that is part of the reason why I really don�t force myself to move out and be on my own. Being here, I know what�s going on, and even though I worry about things, I don�t think that I worry as much as I would if I were out on my own.
And lately, more so than often, I have been really complaining and whining about how I am not dating anyone. I sign up to a dating service and all I get are emails from people I do not care for. The one time I find someone interesting, and email him back, I never hear from him again. Who knows what�s with that.
And then my dad made a comment today when talking to me about the wedding��so you�re the last one now��.great, thanks a hell of a lot dad, that really makes me feel crummy now.
I�m gonna go and wallow my sorrows in something from starbucks.