9:11 pm on 04-11-04
happy easter..
So I am sure you have all read my Friday night entry and pinkbow asked me what why I never put what I say into my entries. I mentioned this to J yesterday as I hung out with him, and he confirmed that I usually don�t say how I feel about things. I actually thought I said a lot about how I feel, but here it goes�..I don�t think that D is the one for me. I know that we would make an awesome couple together, but he�s not the one for me. Eminem boy I thought was the one for me, and he�s not the one for me. J is not the one for me�no guy I have ever dated has really struck me as the one. So do I have �the one� that I will meet in the near future? And since I know that D is not the one for me, why do I still have these thoughts in my head about how we should get together? Maybe I am one of those people where someone pays attention to me, meaning a guy, and then I begin to think that maybe he likes me and all that relationship drama crap. I don�t know. It�s all very confusing if you ask me. And if D isn�t even going to break up with his girlfriend and attempt to establish some sort of relationship with me, why does he even say the crap that he does. I bet you any money though that if either of us had more to drink on Friday, we would have ended up fooling around. Maybe it�s one of those things where you develop this crush so to say on someone and you build them up so much and throw them up on a pedestal and then all of the sudden, when the reality hits that the two of you are actually dating and in a relationship, it�s not all that it�s cracked up to be!
10 years ago, I never would have thought that I would be at where I am today. I would have never thought that I would have gone through half of the bullshit that I have done. As J wrote in his entry, like him, I still have not found the meaning of life.
Blah blah. I just write whatever, and then I reread this entry next week and wonder to myself what the hell was I thinking? ? Obviously I am on a roll because I am super speed typer tonight.
OK�what the hell� Morning has broken just started playing�where the hell did that come from?
Anyway�I hung out with J, we went to the movies with Red, played goofy playstation games and had sex. I was up and out the door within 15 minutes this morning from his place. I rock. The drive home was actually kind of nice. I threw in Interpol and turned it up real loud and put the car on cruise and on my way I went. I had every intention of coming home and doing some studying before I went to my aunts, but I ended up laying down for a couple of hours.
I went to my aunts and when we said grace for dinner, I started to cry. We always say a Hail Mary for �those who aren�t with us� and I lost it. It was pretty bad, but I was glad that no one made a big fuss about it. I left the room, and my cousin S came and sat with me. And it was nice, he just hugged me and held me while I cried. It was weird that I just burst out like that. I guess it�s true when they say that one little thing will get to you and you�ll lose it. Yep, that�s about it. Came home, did some homework�watched Extreme Home Makeover and wrote an entry.