3:18 pm on 03-15-04
I think I made a big mistake
So yesterday was the parade and what a great day it was until I think I made a huge mistake�.We started out around 11am, like usual, and had a few pre game drinks. We then walked to the parade and hung out for about 30 minutes and decided it was way too windy and cold so we went back to the house. We had a good time just sitting around and bullshitting, watching some basketball games and what not, and then my friend D shows up.
Let me give you some history on D�and forwarned, this might turn into a long entry�.
So about 5-6 years ago, my former best friend K and I decided to go out for some drinks, and this is where we met D and lawyer boy(who I sometimes refer to in my diary)�.so from there on K and D became a couple. A couple of years down the road, K becomes pregnant, real bad situation between her and D. They had been broken up when she found out she was pregnant, and then they moved back together. So then they get engaged. I remember being at a bar one night with the group and D calls me over to him and says he wants to talk to me. This is when he told me that he was going to ask K to marry him. I was livid. And I was livid because I knew that they should not get married and that things wouldn�t work out and all that. I cannot believe how mad I was at them for being so stupid and for doing something that might not be the best thing for them.
And sure enough, one month later, they were both on their own again and the engagement was off. So then the baby comes along. That was almost 2 years ago and that is the last time that I talked to K.
So after the baby was born, there was a terrible battle between K and D and visitation and child support and all that crap�and they have finally seemed to work things out. Well during that time that all of this was going on, D and I became very close. Close enough where people thought that we were dating. At this time I was not talking to K at all because of all the crap she pulled. I could not believe half the shit she was doing, and she felt that because her and D were not getting along that I should not talk to anyone that associates with him. Well, I�m sorry, they�re my friends too, and I am not going to stop talking to them because things aren�t working out between the two of you.
So anyway, one night D and I had gone out, just the two of us to a couple of bars up north. We had an awesome time, like always when we hang out. So we get back to his place, and I said I was going to spend the night because I wasn�t comfortable with driving home. I asked for a blanket so I could sleep on the couch. He asked me to sleep in his bed with him�and hey, if a bed is offered, I�m taking it. We�re laying there and what not and he just leans over and kisses me. It was so like the movies, where you are laying there looking at each other all quiet and everything and then he just plants one on me. The next day I woke up and was like, uh oh�what just happened. Anyway, we kind of left it at that. He did tell me that he had always wanted to know what it was like to kiss me, so he did. Then he ends up dating this girl (the same girl he is with now)�and that was that. Our friendship ceased to exist. And was I pissed. What gives him the right to be practically my best friend and then just drop me for some other girl. Story of my life, I swear.
Let�s get to the point of why I think I made a huge mistake (I�m wordy sometimes, sorry)..�. So D is there last night, without his girlfriend and he and I are like old times again. I asked him how things were and he said not good. He cares so much for her little kid, but he doesn�t love her. I blurt out, �leave her then��he proceeds to tell me it is too hard because of the little guy. And I know where he�s coming from because I do know how much he loves him�so I sarcastically say, �see, if you would have dated me, you wouldn�t be in this situation��well that wasn�t a good thing to say! He grabs me by the hand and drags me into one of the bedrooms and slams the door. He proceeds to angrily tell me how much he cared for me and how much he wanted me to be his girlfriend and how much he wanted us to be together because he thinks that we are perfect together and that we compliment each other so well. He said I am the most beautiful person he has ever met, inside and out. And as he�s telling me this, I know I have this look of who knows what on my face.
So then I mumbled something like, �well you obviously never did anything about it!�
D: �Why should I when all you kept saying was that you weren�t interested getting involved in a relationship with anyone�
Me: �I said that? �
D: �Of course you said it, all the fucking time!�
Me: �well�umm�I�m still mad at you for ditching me and dating C�
D: �Come the fuck off of it already!! � (can you tell he�s mad at this point)
Me: �well..umm..yea � (can you tell I don�t know what to say at this point)
D: �God you fucking broke my heart!�
Me: �Whoa whoa whoa�why in the hell did you not say anything before then!! �
D: �I just dealt with it, and thought that you didn�t even want me anymore or have anything to do with me��
At this point, I am really feeling like shit. No one has ever told me that I broke there heart (except for eminem when he�s drunk..but he doesn�t count). So I said I was sorry and he�s just standing there fuming, when he comes and sits next to me and just hugs me. And then this is where the movie scene comes in because then he starts kissing me and we are going at it like there is no tomorrow. I have a fucking hickey on my neck!! God damnit. Anyway he kept on saying that he wanted to make love to me and all that�.and I was like, you have a girlfriend. We cannot be doing this. So we stop and we�re laying there talking, and he starts to cry. Oh my god. Look at what I�ve done. He tells me that he doesn�t know what he is supposed to do. He thinks that we should be together, but he has so much love for the little guy and he doesn�t want to do anything to hurt him and all that. And then for a chuckle he throws in, �well, if you and I dated we would have to sex everyday and you probably don�t want that��I looked at him, smiled and said whatever. Then we fucking fell asleep. I woke up and was like, oh crap, I should get going. I nudge him and tell him I am going and he says he feels so much better that he has gotten that out in the open and that he�ll be calling me�yea we�ll see.
So I come home and pass out. This morning I wake up and went �oh god, I am so dead��
I called K because I forgot my camera�so I hear people in the background and she tells me that D and G are still there, that they had just woken up. Uh oh�I didn�t want to face D�but I went anyway. And when I got there he was gone. I guess he had called his girlfriend to come pick him up and then when I had called and K got off the phone with me, he said that if he had known sooner that I was coming over, he would have asked me for a ride home. So I didn�t see him this morning�and K or G didn�t say anything about us so hopefully no one knows what happened last night.
I feel real bad. I feel real bad. I don�t know what to do. I don�t know what�s going to go on or happen. I guess I can�t dwell on it too much and I�ll just have to wait and see what happens.