10:32 pm on Thursday, Jan. 22, 2004
Making out, sloppy kisses, architects...I've had it all
Today on the train ride home, I was thinking. Within the last week, I have done an awful lot of thinking on the el instead of people watching like I normally do. So for some reason, I started thinking about chris, architect boy....I met Chris probably around 4-5 years ago. He worked with a good friend of mine. So we were all out one night, and Chris, who isn't a bad looking guy, asked me for my number and wanted to know if I wanted to get together or something....so I gave him my number and never thought that he would call. Well, he did. So we went out to dinner and for some drinks and then we walked to the lake and walked down the lakefronnt and just talked and what not. So from there on we were pretty much together all the time...but the kicker....we weren't dating. No fooling around, no fucking, nothing...well except for that one drunk kiss...but I hardly remember it. I dont ever recall him really dating anyone when we were friends...I think I went on a couple of dates, but I was content with my friendship and how it was. He was like a psuedo boyfriend. So I remember one time he went to a wedding with me, which was like and hour away to begin with. Now since he lived on the north side, right by the el...he didn't own a car. So I went and picked him up and off we went to the wedding. He really wasn't much of a talking person, so we left the wedding relatively early. We were driving back to his place and he asked if I wanted to go and get some ice cream...so here were are, all dressed up, he in a suit, getting some ice cream at ghiradellis(however you spell it)...
so while we walking to the ice cream place, he grabbed my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. I kind of pulled away and said what was that all about. C said, "can't I just hold your hand?"...I said no. I think he got mad, so he just asked if I could walk with my hand nestled in the nook of his arm. Ok, fine I'll do that. I felt kind of funny. We had been friends for a couple of years already and then this happens.
When we first started hanging out, he was total boyfriend material for me. Good job, decent money, decent place, he was such a gentleman..then I just realized after awhile that we weren't going to date. I don't think either of us ever wanted to bring it up.
SO the night of the wedding, I totally thought we would fool around...nope, nada. He fell asleep on the couch watching tv and I went and laid in his bed. He was so nice though...when ever we hung out, I would usually stay at his place and I would share his bed with him. NO big deal..everyone shares beds. And I would almost be asleep and I would feel him take the blankets and make sure that it was always up covering my shoulders and back when I slept on my side. That was a beautiful thing.
So one night, he and I had gone out with some of my friends to a couple of bars and he and I got wasted...or at least buzzed real good. He had his arm around me, he leaned over and kissed the top of my head a couple of times...my friend Kelly was in the bathroom with me and wanted to know what the hell was going on. I obviously had no clue, and didn't really care since I was full of alcohol....so while waiting for a cab, I blurted out.."I like you chris"...well, that certainly took him by surprise...
Yea this is the part where you go "yea J gets laid"....but no, none of that was happening either. He had no clue that I liked him. I guess I have a tendency to say stuff and make myself look like a hard ass and pretend like I don't like someone, when I actually do.
Needless to say...our friendship deteriorated after that. He kind of was seeing some girl. He would annoy me when he called...I just didn't want to talk to him...and that was that. I haven't spoken to him in at least two years...probably right after my uncle died..which was 2 years ago this past December.
I don't get it. I think I have issues with men. well, no, I don't think that's it.
Maybe I just never found "the one"...but is there really a "the one" for everyone? Maybe my JAVA instructor is "the one"....now that would be freaking hilarious. He has way too much energy for me to handle. He could be a sloppy kisser. That would be the worst...considering one of my favorite things to do is make out. Making out, slopy kissers, architects...I have had it all.
Yea well, I should get going and go to bed. Busy day tomorrow..and partay tomorrow night..woohoo. I need it!! tata