5:47 p.m. on 2003-12-21
Life throws you for a loop sometimes
I think I have alot on my mind today. I'm tired. I feel like crying. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. All I do lately is have these absurd mood swings. I could be happy and fine one minute and then 30 minutes later, I feel like crap.
I can't believe it's sunday night already. At least the bears won today. good job. I had a pretty quiet weekend. Last night I went to a xmas party and I invited J and Red to go along with me. I was worried that they would be bored, or something. But I think I was the one who was bored. We stayed there for about 2 hours and then went to quenchers. Some guy got mad because I asked him to move over a little so I could make my way through to get to the bathroom. Jesus, buddy, chill out. He was like how come no one asks that guy over there to move...jeez. what a spaz. So then we went to Liars club, I was in a mood to dance, and there were like 10 other people there. So much for dancing. I did leave with some garland that red pulled off of the table. The last time I was there with them, they stole a KISS poster and made me put it in my purse. Good thing my purse was small yesterday, I don't want any part in their crime schemes.
So I get back to J's house, and we fooled around. I'm such a moron. I made some comment about how sex used to be exciting, like it was a thrill, because for awhile J had a girlfriend. It was like "haha look who your boyfriends fucking"...I am such a bitch. J bought me a xmas gift. A book and a stress ball. I was quite suprised. He said he wanted to show me that he appreciated me as a friend. Where that came from, I have no idea. He said that he felt bad because he thinks that I liked him and wanted to date him, but he didn't feel the same way about me. I'm over that, at the time, and I don't know if I do now, I just didn't understand why. That's fine though. I like how we are. I told him he was my favorite friend. I feel that I can tell him anything that I am thinking, and that he won't judge me or something like that. I am not like that with alot of other people. Oh well.
So I had a family xmas party to go to this afternoon. It was ok, until mrs fitz came in and started talking about mike dying and what not. I basically lost it. That kind of weirded me out, because I haven't cried like that in awhile. Probably since m's wake and funeral. So then we left the party. And I am sitting here now thinking all I want to do is have a sandwich and lay in bed and watch tv. I've been doing alot of that lately. I feel like I just want to go to sleep and sleep for a week.. Yea and that's another thing. Remind me never to wake up and start talking to J when he's sleeping. He must have been wide awake around 5 this morning and all he was doing was talking and all I wanted to do was sleep. Now I know how annoying I am.
I guess that's about it for today. I was driving and this thought popped into my head....."I guess like just throws you for a loop sometimes."
oh yea, and red made me a "party" cd. It's a pretty good cd...now if I could only remember his email address and remind him to send me the names of all the songs, then I'll be ok