9:16 pm on 09-07-04
The doctor visit
My diary layout is fucked up. Where is my book when I need it. I lent it to someone and now supposedly he cannot find it. Jerk. When I get some free time, I will fix the site...sorry for the look of it.
I went to the doctor today. My appointment was for 3pm. Usually when I go to the gyne there is about an hour wait. Well, today was a different story. I arrived about 3:10pm to find out that my doctor is in surgery and will not be there until 330pm. Ok, I think I�ll see him at 5pm. Nope. He arrives at 430pm, sees who was before me, and then right before it�s my turn he has to go and deliver a baby. Jesus. I was told that he would be about an hour, so I went to walgreens and got some Gatorade and a different magazine. They finally called me in at about 620pm. The nurse told me about the procedure, the pain that I will be experiencing and what not. Then I had to pee for the 6th time. I was very nervous and anxious and scared.
My doctor comes in. He is a cool guy and explains to me again and tells me about the results from my pap smear from a couple of weeks ago. I have HSIL, which is highly abnormal epithelial pre cancerous cells. The procedure he was doing today was to see exactly where this stuff was on my cervix. So he gets down in there and starts putting all this stuff on my cervix. It didn�t really hurt at all. I could feel it, but it wasn�t uncomfortable at all. So then he pulls the microscope thingy up and starts looking around, and he is talking to me and telling me what he sees. I have a moderate abnormality at 12:00 (you know like the hands on a clock) on my cervix and then a tiny spot at 7:00. He took biopsies of each part. He said that it would hurt and pinch. It didn�t. I could hear the forcep things clip, but I didn�t feel anything. Then he did a deeper pap which goes deep into your cervix. I didn�t feel that either. I could tell he was doing something, but it didn�t bother me at all. Then he put this stuff on to stop the bleeding and that stung. But that was it. 10 minutes and he�s done. He told me that I need to call him next week to talk about my results, but he said that I�ll will most likely need to have surgery to dig the abnormal cells out of there. That�s what scares me the most.
Just not knowing what caused this or why it�s happening is scary. He mentioned something about HPV, but I don�t really think that is the cause in this case. Even if it is, I guess there is about 45 different strains and a couple of them cause the abnormalities, but doesn�t affect you otherwise. And it�s gone once they cut the bad stuff out.
So, yea it�s definitely pre-cancerous, and that is very scary. But I am young, I have a good doctor, and they have caught it early. It�s just a matter of what happens next. So say your prayers and I am sure I will be fine. Scared and worried, but fine.
Yea and then my mom starts crying because I am crying. She keeps on asking if there is anything that she can do. No mom, just let�s wait and see what happens. I am trying to be objectively positive about this�is there such a thing as objectively positive?