10:09 pm on 04-12-05
The three of them
He wants to be on my mind all the time
Interpol boy comes by my office yesterday and says, �what are you doing after class tonight?�..I reply with, �bachelor night, duh.�. He chuckles and tells me to come over and hang out at his place and he�d cook me dinner and let me watch it there. He wants to be on my mind all the time.
I�m on his mind all the time
I leave work today and pulled my cell out of my purse to make a phone call. Red blinking light indicates voicemail and missed calls. Weird because no one usually calls me during the day when I am at work. The missed call was listed as �no number�. Right then and there I knew it was eminem boy. The one that I dated like 7 years ago and he still calls me. Sigh. He hasn�t called in about three months or so. Usually when he calls and leaves a message, I�ll give him a call back a few days later, usually getting his voicemail, and I�ll either be drunk and say stupid shit to him, or I�ll be sober and tell him I doing fine. Today�s message was along the lines of asking me if I want to get together for coffee sometime. He misses my conversations, company and my smile. He loved that I was always happy to see him and always had a smile on my face when I was with him. I am now supposedly thought of as the �one who got away�. Fucker. I swear. So he babbled some more and said he doesn�t know why I am on his mind all the time. He can�t even explain why he remembers my cell phone number. I mumbled, �because it�s fucking programmed in your phone idiot�. Sigh. So he wants me to call him back, I most likely won�t. Unless I get drunk Saturday night, then I�ll probably call him and blabber about how I don�t know why I remember his cell phone number. And for real, it�s not even programmed in my phone; I just know it by heart. He was the one who talked about marrying me. He�s the one who wanted to have kids with me. He�s the one who fucked me over and let me get away. And he�s the one who now acts like he�s 12. Grow up, get some balls, and act like the 33 year old man you should be. Sigh. I�m on his mind all the time
He�s not on my mind all the time, but enough
Yea, here it comes, it�s J. It�s not that he�s on my mind all the time, I can�t explain it. This morning I woke up to my heart racing due to a very weird and disturbing dream. His girlfriend was in this dream. She had a big head, and really short blond hair. She had teeth like the swimsuit model on the bachelor last night (looks like she has caps on her teeth or something). Anyway, the dream was J talking to whomever about how he loves her so much and they�re getting married. He then said something about how pathetic I was and he couldn�t believe that he was my friend for over four years. In the dream, I wasn�t physically there; it was more like I was a fly on the wall watching his conversation. His girlfriend was talking about how I was crazy and like a stalker and left nutty messages on his answering machine. For real, I did leave one on new years eve, but that message was totally because of an overabundance of alcohol in my system and built up anger. I don�t know what exactly disturbed me and why, all I know is that I felt icky today. J once said that he thought he dreamt about people because he needed closure to something. I also once heard that a woman�s favorite word is �closure�. It�s something we supposedly need to every event. Every time I write an entry, he emails me the next day with a question about the entry. That bugs me. A lot bugs me. I don�t question about his entry, and I don�t write everything I want to in here because he questions it. Oh well. You would think that I would be over this and not angry anymore, but I still am. It�s like having a pathetic girlfriend who dropped you as a friend because she found a man, except he�s a guy who found a girl. Yea, he�s not on my mind all the time, but enough.
On another note, I am seeing a psychic lady this weekend. A friend of mine is having a party and the woman is going to come and read �our futures�. Purely for entertainment purposes because I really don�t believe in those people (well maybe a little bit), but she is supposedly the best psychic around. She makes you drink some funky coffee and then she �reads� whatever is in the coffee ground markings. I wonder if she�ll tell me that I am keeping an online journal which sometimes shows my psychotic side. Although I�m really not psychotic, confused is more like it I think. The party should be a good time though. Some friends from St. Louis are also going to be in, so we�ll see them that night. It is bound to be an alcohol filled night. I must remember to drink an overabundance of water too. That�s the only think that seems to help me lately. I�m getting old.